Overcoming Regrets

One of the greatest challenges in life revolves around overcoming regrets. We tend to dwell on past events that affect our presence just because we process cloistered messages that a regret will repeat again and again. Time ticks away if we live in the past. We must grasp the understanding that everyone experiences miss opportunities, miss relationships, and even miss events that plague even the best of us. Yet, how can you overcome these life realities of regrets that plays on our feelings of despair and hopelessness? The feelings of hurt constantly enter our lives through natural tendencies as a by-product of moving forward. However, the results of regrets must move toward positive instead of natural negativism that we often feels. So can one feel positive after a regret occurs or whether one has the power to overcome these hurtful regrets is the question we must ponder.  I believe the lyric of “Hurt” by Christina Aguilera provides an insight to this question.

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face

You told me how proud you were but I walked away

If only I knew what I know today

Ooh ooh

I would hold you in my arms

I would take the pain away

Thank you for all you've done

Forgive all your mistakes.

There's nothing I wouldn't do

To hear your voice again.

Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do

And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit

Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss

And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh, whoa

Would you tell me I was wrong?

Would you help me understand?

Are you looking down upon me?

Are you proud of who I am

https://youtu.be/___l8Y21yNM

As you listen to that song,  focus on the lyrics as a regret in your life and try to answer the questions – Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you (regret) looking down upon me? Remember, regrets can really explore the inward feelings about your true intention as you understanding the hurt from that miss opportunity, that miss relationship or that miss event. Such understanding leads you toward growth. Experiences brings growth even Muhammad Ali quotes, "A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life." Basically, Muhammad Ali alludes to maturity which occurs with regrets as we experience life to its fullness. The understanding only occurs when you miss that opportunity, miss that relationship, or miss that event which unfold from unpredictably circumstances.  Although, the outcome may seems like uncontrollable circumstances that we tend to react instead of processing for our betterment. Nevertheless, you can control the regret by imposing the feelings of positive instead of fatalism. The fatalist thinks that fixed events will occur no matter what and humans have no power to change future events. Yet, the realist grows with each regret while learning to make positive and different choices to move him or her toward identified goals.  Remember, regrets occur naturally but you can control the reaction of your regrets. Move your reaction toward positive thinking with an optimist’s attitude. Like an optimist, you must strive toward your goal using different methods or exploring another avenue of approach just to create different results. As the old saying, “if you do the same thing over and over again you will get the same results.” So make that change to breathe a different result.

Always remember your experiences influence others despite your regrets for having that miss opportunity, miss relationship or miss event. Now as you journey through life embrace your regrets by controlling your inward feelings with an understanding of a purpose for that particular regret.  

Graduation from a Different View

The month of May represents the season of graduation when TRiO students everywhere walk across stages to receive commencement honors of completing their course of study.  They wear caps and gowns while taking pictures to capture the jubilant feelings of completion. This fitting attire dates back to the Catholic Church during the 12^th century when priests adorned themselves during special occasions. Regardless of where you live, graduation caps and gowns, along with tassels, hoods, stoles and diploma covers signify the common apparel whenever you graduate.

(https://www.youniversitytv.com/college-tips/history-origin-graduates-wearing-caps-gowns).

Although the meaning of graduation indicates the completion of ones’ studying, I prefer to see it as a gateway toward a new beginning.  The honors you received at graduation will increase your chances of advancing your status whether to improve your ability to earn money or to open doors of opportunities. Yet, this gateway of opportunities can easily provide you an opportune to serve. Just think…if each TRiO graduate’s presumption veers toward service instead of advancing themselves what other doors will open for them. Usually, I see graduates reaching for employment to promote themselves instead of seeking opportunities for service. If you think about your chosen field of study as a service opportunity instead of a job selection toward richness, the rewards will become intangible instead of tangible. For instance, people change jobs 10 to 14 times in a career before they really find the right job. Dissatisfaction of ones’ job comes from the lacking of intangibles since the majority of work only multiplies the tangibles like money. So the tangibles must allow you to experience the intangibles to gain the truly fulfillment from your job. The intangibles keep work from becoming mundane and routine. When you experience the same routine repeatedly, you become dissatisfied which causes constant job changing.

Therefore, as TRiO graduates, you have a higher purpose based on a different perspective. As Luke Graham states in his song 7 Years “that once I was seven years old, and mama said, ‘go make you some friends or you will be lonely.’”  As you listen to this song, think about the intangibles that you must experience to fulfill that certificate, diploma, or degree of which money cannot purchase. For this reason alone, I encourage you, TRiO graduates, to view your accomplishment as a gateway to explore opportunities to gain these intangibles. The TRiO staff experience these intangibles seeing you walk across that stage “to get the tassel.” Likewise, you must seek the same intangibles after graduation while fulfilling your purpose in life.

When you have a chance listen to the lyrics of 7 Years by Luke Graham who I think magnifies this story of purpose from years 7, 11, 20, 30, and 60.  What do you think?

 #TRiOWorks

Dr. Quintavius Rover, 
Graduate of College of Osteopathic Medicine

 

Maria, a HS graduate, bound for Troy.

Choosing to Endure instead of Failure

“A lot of people still think of failure as a sign of personal incompetence and try to avoid it at all cost,” said Andrew Filev, CEO and founder of Wrike, a software firm in Mountain View, California. “But when you view building a business as a series of experiments, you start to see failure as an inevitable step in the process.” (By Sarah Cruddas “The Hidden Psychology of Failures” 24 March 2016) 

If such is true for the business world, can we hold the same truth for academia? I suggest it depends on how you view failure.  If you are experiencing failing grades in your classes to the point of feeling defeated and hopelessness, your prospective may need changing. To change your prospective, you must view failing grades differently. 

For instance, the first glance at this picture, one may see two horses competing on the beach, but from a different prospective, you may see only one horse fighting self. Failing is similarly if you analyze the effects of failings. Does failing influence your external environment or does it influence how you compete against self?  In other words, are you concerned about how others feel about you or are you focused totally on self-determination?  

If you change your focus toward self-determination, one’s failing will move you toward different techniques by exploring other means to acquire success just like the business industry. Failing in the business world causes different techniques for the industry to explore other means to create sales, etc. Even Apple with Steve Jobs experienced various failures trying to create the iPod. So I encourage you to take the business approach, and endure your failures by creating better means of preparing for classes to acquire success. If others can succeed, so can you!  Tell yourself after the failure - What's Next!

   
#TRIOWORKS

ENDSTATE

FYCE Students at Wallace Community College

The Army uses the term “ENDSTATE” to describe the outcome of several occurring events to bring a specific result.  As students, you engage in multiple events as relating to a particular subject like English, math, science, psychology, etc.  Your instructor plans particular key lesson points that he/she must cover for you to obtain mastery. However, each of you are different. Each of you comes to class with a different set of values, different experiences, different views, and you even learn differently. Yet, your teacher can only produce one set of plans toward mastery. So each of you must develop an ENDSTATE when you enter the classroom specifically designed to achieve your intended results.

First, understand your instructor’s approach to each lesson by reviewing the key lesson points prior to class to ensure your different view, coupled with your learning style, becomes compatible with obtaining what the instructor intended. Remember, failure occurs because of the lack of preparation.  If you channel your focus toward preparation prior to every class, you will foster a different mindset. This mindset will enable you to master the materials quicker than waiting for the instructor to spoon-feed you.  Remember, time likens the differences of high school and college. For instance, college requires tremendous amount of time for independent learning whereas high school requires you to spend hours of time within the classroom during dependent learning.   In college, you spend few hours in class (12-16 hours per week); however, in high school your daily schedule equals to 8-10 hours per day. 

Therefore, your college professor expects you to master his/her course so you must do whatever deem necessary.   Completing assigned homework only begins the charted courses toward mastery. Thus, reading the course syllabus with the stated lesson outcomes for each course while creating your ENDSTATE will enable you to recognize when you master the professor’s intent. By investing time to create your ENDSTATE for each course during your preparation time, you will maintain your grades and reduce the stress during final exams. Your ENDSTATE will leave toward success in your courses.      

"WHY" Can you answer the WHY question

Fort Leavenworth -- Buffalo Soldier Monument

Many students will agree that college demands your time, your growth, your knowledge, your fortitude, and your resilience. To celebrate getting that tassel on your graduation day, one must stay encouraged. One method to stay encourage begin with WHY. I want to ponder the WHY question so you will understand the importance of knowing such when discouragement occurs. 

Really think about WHY you desire to attend an educational institution of higher learning. Unlike what you will receive but WHY are you receiving it. WHY do you feel that you need to advance your learning. Think from the inside out instead of thinking from the outside in. For instance,  remove the focus from your surroundings, your family, your home, your job and allow your "gut" feelings to answer the WHY.  Allow the “it feels right” to answer the WHY. You must put this feeling into words for the WHY. If you can verbalize your WHY, it will provide the emotional background to move forward when circumstances dictate otherwise.

To gain inspiration to achieve goals,  it must start with the clarity of WHY! The WHY enables balance. The WHY solidifies goals and ensures completion of goals. The WHY allows stamina to foster when the facts indicate something different. You must define the WHY before you can reach graduation. I know you believe you know the WHY but can you actually put it in words.  For example, when  you think of Apple do you think about computers? You see, Apple dropped the word computers from its name in 2007 because the company focused on the WHY. Apple wanted to sell more than just computers. Their WHY became “challenging the status quo by thinking differently.” Now we have iPhones, iPads, iPods, and iTunes instead of the Apple computer.

Thus, I challenge you to think differently by understanding the WHY then the HOW and WHAT will become easily. If  you realize the clarity of WHY, you will begin to prioritize the demands for college admissions, scholarships, ACT scores, and place the need for studying above other relevant and irrelevant requirements. The WHY brings discipline and self accountability to ones’ life.  The WHY allows ultimate balance leading to new outcomes and new opportunities.    

Establish the clarity of WHY, then you will experience success in various ways than you can imagine.